


I'm Okay (I'm Not Okay)

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety, Drunkenness, Getting Back Together, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Making Up, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 09:56:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11461194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: Junhui misses Wonwoo, and maybe Wonwoo misses him too.





	I'm Okay (I'm Not Okay)

**Author's Note:**

> wonu's birthday is in a week but i said it was seungcheols birthday bc im pETTY BC WONWOO'S BIRTHDAY IS ALSO MY BIRTHDAY FIGHT ME WONWOO

Wonwoo was here, Wonwoo was here and Junhui wanted to leave the party right now immediately and go straight home because just the sight of him makes Jun’s heart feel heavy and his eyes sting a little bit. He was here with Mingyu and Soonyoung, because of course, he was, it was stupid of Junhui to come here tonight without considering that Wonwoo would also be here, it was Seungcheol’s birthday after all and he was a mutual friend of theirs. Hell, he had been the one who had once introduced the two them. 

 

Junhui ducked into the kitchen before Wonwoo could get the chance to see him, and instantly started looking for Minghao. Junhui found him at the counter downing shots of something heavy and gross with Jeonghan, Jisoo standing by and supervising them with an amused smirk adorning his lips. Junhui ignored that though and slithered up to Minghao’s shoulder. 

 

“Minghao, I think we should go home,” Junhui whispered in his ear. 

 

Minghao turned around to face him, that dumb grin that he only ever got when he was drunk on his face. “Why?” he asked when he noticed how panicked and stressed Junhui looked. 

 

“Wonwoo is here,” Junhui whispered, curling himself in between Minghao and the counter so he can easily keep his eyes on both of the kitchen entrances in case Wonwoo decides to come in for a drink. Hopefully, he would get Soonyoung or Mingyu to get one for him instead like he always did, and Junhui could convince either of them not to tell Wonwoo was even here. Or even better, Minghao could stop reaching for another shot and go home with him right now. “Let’s go right now, like immediately,” Junhui whined at Minghao, pulling on the sleeve of Minghao’s rolled up shirt. 

 

“Oh, hey Wonwoo,” 

 

Every inch of Junhui’s skin rose with goosebumps and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Damn Minghao for distracting him, Wonwoo had come in through the side entrance of the kitchen, looking fine as all fuck in that embroidered jacket with his hair pushed and gelled back out of his face. 

 

Junhui instantly straightened himself up and stuck his nose up, giving Wonwoo the coldest look he could muster out of the corner of his eye. 

 

“Hey, Jeonghan hyung, Jisoo hyung, Minghao,” Wonwoo greeted. He looked at Junhui with that frustratingly calm expression, his eyes not giving away what he was feeling, just like they always did. “Hello, Junhui.” 

 

Junhui huffed and turned his head away, looking at the colorful magnets Seungcheol had stuck all over his fridge. “Wonwoo.” he replied stiffly. Wonwoo snorted and gave him a look that Junhui barely saw, but he didn't spend any more time on Junhui than that. 

 

Wonwoo asked Jisoo for a beer, and Junhui turned his head back, just the slightest bit, to see Wonwoo’s fingers wrap around the neck of the bottle and open the cap with a bottle opener with a single fluid movement of his wrist. Junhui had always had a thing for Wonwoo’s hands, always watching them whenever they were working on something, whether it was typing up an essay or fixing the handle of a cabinet in Wonwoo’s kitchen. They were pale and long and nimble and just oddly sexy, just like every other part of Wonwoo. Junhui could still feel them ghosting over his sides and resting against his lower back. 

 

Junhui swallowed down those thoughts, and grabbed the cup nearest cup to him, gagging at the burning and intense taste of vodka. Who the hell in this kitchen just left this water looking fluid laying around for any random innocent human to drink?

 

_ Jeonghan.  _ Of course Jeonghan. 

 

But instead of putting it down like he usually would, Junhui took another sip, watching as Wonwoo took two more beers from Jisoo. Junhui didn't like drinking all that much, and when he did, he drank something fruity or mixed with soda, something that could hide the taste of alcohol. 

 

“Wonwoo~ Can you get me a drink too?” 

 

Someone pink haired and with looks so pretty they could rival Jeonghan’s entered the room, and Junhui recognized him to be Minki. He was in the same major as Seungcheol and Wonwoo, so he shared several classes with the two of them, making Junhui be acquainted with him, but not leaving them to be close enough to become true friends. Junhui had never had a problem with seeing him with Wonwoo around campus before, but now all a sudden, seeing him grab Wonwoo’s shoulder to look at the boxes of alcohol stacked up on the counter, Junhui suddenly felt….felt….felt  _ something.  _

 

Wonwoo left with Minki, who was holding a strawberry wine cooler. As soon as they left and were out of Junhui’s sight, he turned around and popped open one of the bottles, not knowing what it was but adding it to his cup. 

 

“I’m sorry, what were you saying earlier?” Minghao asked him suddenly. “I couldn't hear you over the music.”

 

“Nevermind, it was nothing,” Junhui said. He plugged his nose with one hand and downed as much of the drink that he could. If Wonwoo was moving on, then so would he. He was going to get drunk and flirt with one of Jeonghan’s hot artsy friends and maybe even go home with one of them. That was the plan. 

 

Like most of the plans Junhui had ever made in his life, it did not work out. Half a cup of whatever it was he was drinking later, he was hiding underneath the table in the dining room and crying while holding Seungcheol’s cat.  

 

Minghao’s drunk ass found him about ten minutes later, but only because he had tripped over his undone shoelaces and fallen on his face, only to look up and see his best friend huddled underneath the table. 

 

“Babe, what are you doing under there?” Minghao asked him, words slurring a bit. 

 

“Wonwoo is here,” Junhui told him tearfully.

 

“Yeah, I saw him, remember?” 

 

“And he looks so good,” Junhui added, sniffling. 

 

“You look good too,” Minghao assured him, patting his knee. “Come on, don't let Wonwoo ruin your night, come dance with me and look hot and make him jealous instead.” Sober Minghao would have scolded him and insulted him a bit, before handing him a few tissues and dragging him home. But Drunk Minghao was much nicer and found joy in being petty like this. Either way, sober or drunk, Minghao was good with his words and easily convinced Junhui to release the cat and crawl out from underneath the table, before dragging him out into the where the party was. Wonwoo was standing against the wall, talking to Soonyoung and Mingyu, Minki was there too and he wasn't standing any closer to Wonwoo then the other two were, but Junhui still felt...jealous, yes that's what it was, he was mad and he was jealous and he wanted Wonwoo to look at him.

 

“Dance with me,” Minghao told him, grabbing him by the hips and backing them both up until they were perfectly in Wonwoo’s line of sight. Minghao was truly the bestest friend ever, Junhui thought as he grabbed Junhui by his side jean loops and pull his ass back for him to grind into. 

 

Someone whistled at them, probably Seungkwan, because he heard the boy whining a moment later because he had fallen off of the couch. Junhui met eyes with Seungcheol, but only because Jeonghan was grinding on Seungcheol’s ass like it was his last day on earth and had dragged the birthday out in front of them. Seungcheol wasn't drunk, because he never got drunk at parties, not even at his own, but he allowed Jeonghan to do as he wished, not even protesting when he licked Seungcheol’s neck all the way from his collarbone to his chin. It was only a matter of time before Jisoo would roll in and try to steal Seungcheol away from Jeonghan even though he was completely sober.   

 

“Is he looking?” Junhui asked Minghao, raising his voice but hopefully not enough that Seungcheol could hear him. No one who was drunk had volume control though, and Seungcheol started laughing and nodded his head, mouthing a yes. Junhui waited a few seconds before turning his head to look over Minghao’s shoulder.

 

Wonwoo was indeed looking at them, but so was Mingyu, Soonyoung and Minki. The three of them all looked amused as hell, and Wonwoo was just blanked face, not showing any signs of jealousy like Junhui had been hoping he would. Junhui frowned, not keeping in mind to turn his head back before he did that so neither of them could see. Soonyoung met his eyes and he started laughing right away, hitting Wonwoo on the arm and laughing into his best friend’s shoulder. Wonwoo didn't move, but he met Junhui’s eyes too, and a smile lightened up his cold face. 

 

Junhui momentarily forgot any of his embarrassment, and turned back around, pulling himself away from Minghao who easily let him go. 

 

“Did it work?” Minghao slurred. 

 

“I’m gonna go talk to him,”

 

“You kids are so wasted,” Jeonghan said, coming towards them via shoving Seungcheol forward while still nearly dry humping him. Jeonghan said that, but he was far more gone than either of them were. Or he probably was, maybe that was just Jeonghan being Jeonghan again. The chances of him dry humping Seungcheol in front of all of their friends while only slightly tipsy were actually very high. 

 

“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Junhui repeated, trying to be sterner this time. Seungcheol looked like he was going to protest this time, but Junhui stumbled away from his friends before he could. 

 

Junhui headed towards Wonwoo with drunk confidence but ended up being jealous and drunk emotional when he saw Minki lean in to whisper something in Wonwoo’s ear as they were both watching him approach. 

 

“Hey!” Junhui snapped at Minki. “Off of him!” 

 

Minki held his hands up in surrender and backed away, not looking threatened like Junhui had hoped he would but actually laughing at him. Either way, not important, as long as if he was his Wonwoo. And then the moment he thought that Junhui had to remind himself that Wonwoo was not his Wonwoo anymore, and he immediately teared up and looked up at Wonwoo, who looked at him steadily back. 

 

“Wonwoo,” Junhui said, wrapping his arms around Wonwoo’s neck and clinging to him. “I miss you.” 

 

One of Wonwoo’s arms wrapped around Junhui’s waist, more to steady him than anything else. “Junhui, you’re drunk.”

 

“No, I’m not,” Junhui insisted. “I wanna get back together, I miss you Won Won.” 

 

“Won Won.” Soonyoung cackled. Wonwoo glared at him and Mingyu took that as a sign to grab Soonyoung by the arm and drag him away so they could go and regroup with Minki on the other side of the room. 

 

“Wonwoo,” Junhui whined, grabbing his attention back. 

 

“Junhui,” Wonwoo said, letting out a tired sigh. “What are you doing right now?” 

 

“I told you,” Junhui was still whining and still clinging to Wonwoo like he was the tree to his koala. “I want to get back together, I miss you, Wonwoo.” 

 

Wonwoo sighed  _ again,  _ and set down his half drank beer. “Alright, enough, you’re going home,”

 

“No,” Junhui protested. “I wanna stay with you, I wanna be with you,”

 

“I’m bringing you home, stupid, so I’m gonna be with you,” Wonwoo said. Wonwoo dragged Junhui’s drunk ass across the room to apologize to Seungcheol for leaving, but he just gave them both a warm smile and wished them the best, which Wonwoo just rolled his eyes at. 

 

Junhui sat in the passenger seat and Wonwoo had to help him put on his seatbelt, he tilted his head all the way back and his eyes were already dropping even as he sang along to whatever group it was that was playing over the radio. It was probably K.A.R.D, which was his favorite group, so Wonwoo didn't have the heart to turn it off or change the channel on him. 

 

Wonwoo had to carry Junhui up to the apartment, because he had fallen asleep two whole minutes away from home, ignoring Wonwoo completely when he begged him to stay awake so he wouldn't have to lug his ass up the stairs. Thankfully the elevator had finally been fixed, so Wonwoo slipped into it and tried his best to not look like a kidnapper. 

 

He put Junhui in the bed and sat beside him, taking off his shoes but leaving on his pants and everything else. If they were still together Wonwoo would have helped him into pajamas, or at least out of those uncomfortable jeans, but he knew it was best just to leave him like that, so as not to cause any misunderstandings. He looked at Junhui's sleeping face, and wondered how he had gotten even more beautiful. 

 

…

 

Junhui woke up staring up at a ceiling that was not his own, but one that he was familiar with almost just as much as his. It was littered with those dorky glow in the dark stars everyone wanted as a kid and purple hyacinths that Junhui had painted up there to cover up the black patches the cracked base paint had left behind. 

 

His head hurt, this is why he hated drinking, he wasn't like Minghao who could do shots all night long and wake up fine and spiffy the next morning. He had only had half a cup of-whatever-but he still felt like shit. Junhui seriously considered going back asleep and waiting it out, until he looked up at the ceiling one more time and remembered where he was, and sat up so face he felt like he was going to throw up. 

 

“Don't throw up in my bed.” Wonwoo grumbled, walking into his bedroom with his crazy bed head still intact. The man must have wanted Junhui dead or something because he was shirtless and his sweats were hanging so low on his skinny hips Junhui was worried they would fall right off. And maybe he kinda wanted them too. 

 

“Oh, Wonwoo,” Junhui said, looking down at himself and almost feeling a little disappointed that he was fully dressed. No, that was right, he had fallen asleep in the car. Did that mean Wonwoo had carried him up here? He didn't remember waking up at any time throughout the night, so he must have. 

 

“I made you tea,” Wonwoo said, and then he turned around and left the room again. Junhui took a moment or two, or maybe five, to collect himself before he followed Wonwoo out of the room and down the hallway to the tiny kitchen. There was a cup of tea sitting on the small table, hot and steaming, the smell of peppermint heavy, milky with cream just the way he liked it, in the same cup that he had always used in the morning when he slept over at Wonwoo’s house before...before they had broken up...no, before Junhui had been the one who broke up with Wonwoo. 

 

You could ask Junhui why he had broken up with Wonwoo a thousand times, Minghao certainly had, but he would never be able to give you a solid answer. Had Wonwoo made him unhappy? Junhui couldn't remember a time when he was happier than when he was with Wonwoo. Did Wonwoo not treat him right? Wonwoo treated him a thousand times better than he ever deserved like he was a real prince. Was there someone else? No, and there never would be, Junhui had loved Wonwoo and he still did and he thought he always would. 

 

So why had he done it? Because he was stupid. Because he was an insecure idiot that always let his anxiety get to him and convince him of things. Wonwoo wasn't the cheating type, he wasn't like Junhui’s high school boyfriend that he had caught kissing a girl behind the bleachers at lunch time, he was better than that, and he loved Junhui, always made time for him, always told him how important he was to him. 

 

I miss you, Junhui had told Wonwoo last night.

 

Never had anything truer came out of Junhui’s mouth, except for maybe all those times he told Wonwoo he loved him. Junhui was a wreck, he cried all the time and didn't eat and couldn't sleep. Minghao was trying to get him to see a therapist, just so he could have someone to talk to if he didn't want to talk about it with him. He didn't wear anything but the old navy blue sweatshirt he had of Wonwoo’s left over at his place and looked through his phone at all of the pictures he had of them together every single night. 

 

Junhui sat at the table with all of these thoughts, tea wrapped up in his hands and him just looking down into his cup, Wonwoo sitting across from him, looking at him while he drank his gross plain black coffee. 

 

I want to get back together, Junhui had also told Wonwoo. 

 

That was true, that had always been true, ever since the words  _ I wanna break up _ left his mouth and hurt and confusion flooded into Wonwoo’s pretty brown eyes. But did he deserve that? Did he deserve to ask Wonwoo to get back together? 

 

No. He didn't. He really didn't deserve it. He had made himself not deserve it when he had run away from Wonwoo without another word and ignored all of his calls. 

 

So he finished his tea, he said thank you to Wonwoo, who just nodded at him, still just sitting there at his table and watching him with his cute messy lion hair and expressionless face. Junhui found his shoes and put them back on, Wonwoo followed him to the door and they said goodbye and Junhui left and Wonwoo closed the door behind him. 

 

And then Junhui came back, he threw open the door Wonwoo had just closed and threw himself into Wonwoo’s arm, Wonwoo who had still been standing at the door like he had been expecting it, had been waiting for him. 

 

“I miss you,” Junhui sobbed into Wonwoo’s neck. “I love you, Wonwoo, please, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, please take me back, please.” 

 

“It shouldn't be that easy,” Wonwoo said, hand on the back of Junhui’s neck.  

 

“Please,” Junhui babbled wildly, clinging to him. “I was stupid and I was just being insecure like I always am. I didn't mean it and I promise I’ll never hurt you ever again an-and,” Junhui choked on his own pleas, tears pouring down his face like a rainstorm. “Please,” he whispered. “Please, I miss you so much, Wonwoo.” I can't be okay with you, Junhui wanted to say. I try to be okay but I can't be, I need you to be okay.

 

“It shouldn't be that easy for me to forgive you,” Wonwoo continued and Junhui held his breath, waiting for Wonwoo to turn him away and kick him out. “So why the fuck is it? Why am I not angry with you? Why am I okay with just taking you back right now?” Because Wonwoo couldn't be okay without Junhui there either. 

 

“Wonwoo,” Junhui whispered, shakily. “Are you…” 

 

Wonwoo pulled back a little and grabbed Junhui’s face. “You did all of that because you got insecure?” He asked Junhui. “You made me suffer because of that?” 

 

Junhui wasn't proud of it, but he nodded, hot tears boiling over again. 

 

Wonwoo clicked his tongue. “You’re so ridiculous sometimes, Junhui.”

 

Junhui couldn't disagree, he nodded in agreement and Wonwoo sighed. 

 

“I love you too,” Wonwoo told him. “But if you want us to work, you need to tell me when you feel insecure and talk to me about it, so I can help you.” 

 

“I will,” Junhui whispered into Wonwoo’s collarbone. “I promise, I will.” 

 

Wonwoo kissed the side of his head and Junhui looked up at him, tears caught in his lashes. “Are we back together now?” He asked. 

 

Wonwoo laughed, he wrapped both of his arms tight around Junhui and cuddled into his shoulder, back them both up, until he was seated with Junhui in his lap. Wonwoo kissed his shoulder. “Yeah, I guess we are.” 

 

Junhui didn't want to cry anymore, but another round of tears, this time from happiness, arrived and started their way down his cheeks. “Do you wanna talk about it now? We can if you want,” Junhui told him, relishing in the kisses Wonwoo was leaving all over his neck. 

 

“Not right now,” Wonwoo whispered, a suspicious crack in his voice. “Right now, I just wanna hold you again.” 

 

And be okay again, now that you're here, they both thought. 

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah I've just been thinking about writing this for a long time so here it is 
> 
> me: *lowkey slides in that k.a.r.d promo*  
> speaking of promo's  
> twitter: moonsjunhuis  
> tumblr: moonsjunhui  
> u can follow me or just come scream at me, either one is highly invited


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